When I describe my work I always tell people that I help women (like you) to feel good in their own skin no matter what their shape or size. It’s really important to me that we get started on helping you feel good now and not when you’ve lost a dress size or when you’ve lost half a stone.
One of the replies I hear over and over again is ‘But you know, I just feel much more confident when I’m thinner’.
It’s one of those stock phrases you hear when you read the magazine articles about people who’ve lost weight, “I feel so much more confident now”. It’s how they advertise to you, ‘use our weight loss plan / system / diet / shake / pill and you will feel more confident.’
Now, I don’t want to take confidence away from anybody – but when your confidence is based on you being a certain size then that can be a knocked or shaken in the blink of an eye, with any change in that weight or size.
So why should you feel more confident when you’re thinner?
It’s all about social acceptance. If you’re a people pleaser (and if you are, you’re not alone – a lot of my clients are) then social acceptance matters. You want to be loved and you want the approval of those around you, whether it’s your partner, your parents, your friends, the other mums in the playground or even total strangers in Sainsbury’s.
Those of us who don’t fit into the 18-25 BMI range can often find ourselves with other people commenting on our weight. It’s usually said in a way that makes it a concern about your health but nevertheless, when you’ve spent a large part of your life trying to be thinner and somehow ended up just getting bigger and bigger it can be soul destroying to think that you’ve somehow let these people down.
Not only that but the message that comes across loud and clear in our society is that thin is healthy, thin is beautiful and put simply, thin is better.
Quite frankly, it takes a lot of guts and brass neck to stand up and say, ‘Hey, I’m confident in my body at the size it is.’
We don’t want to have to battle.
Most of us don’t want to make our lives a battle or to be a crusader. We simply want to get on living life, going about our business, living and letting live. But that’s not so easy, when other people think that commenting on our size, weight and health is their right. So, of course, it’s easier to blend into the background and it’s exactly that reason why we feel more confident when we’re thinner.
Because, when we’re thinner, we don’t have to ‘stand up for ourselves’, we don’t have to listen to people’s well meaning thoughts on how we need to be more healthy and we don’t have to hear how if we only ate less and moved more we’d be thinner.
You don’t need to change your body, just your mindset
You don’t need to be a social crusader to feel more confident now; you just need a few simple tweaks to your thought process and your mindset. My favourite one is imagining that I’m in a bubble, a lovely protective bubble.
When there’s drama, thoughts, words or an environment that feels toxic to my wellbeing I just imagine that the bubble is all around me and that that all the negativity bounces and slides off.
Sounds simple but with practice it works and it’s got me through some really tricky times.
There’s no reason that you can’t work towards being thinner if you want but raising your confidence now will work a million times more than only being confident when you get there.
I’d love you to come and join the conversation with me on Facebook. I’m dedicated to helping you shake off the shackles of yo-yo dieting, strengthening your resilience and confidence whilst falling in love with yourself and your life.
